Month: March 2019

The Importance of Rest

As you may have noticed I’ve taken a few days off from posting to the blog. Many people take advantage of their income tax refund during this time of year to buy some much needed furniture for their home. With the uncertainties concerning the federal government (who went through a shutdown at the beginning part of the year), the timing of “tax season” varies, but once it starts it is fast and furious. It begins abruptly and just like that after a few weeks it is over. This year was a little more challenging as my team was a little short handed requiring me to work 20 days with 1 day off. Going that long without a break is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually challenging. I don’t recommend it. In fact rest is an important life principle that cannot be overlooked.

The Bible teaches the principle of the Sabbath (Hebrew for “rest”). In fact, the very beginning pages of the Bible, Genesis chapter 1 describe how God created the world in six days, and on the seventh day He “rested.” Later, the entire Hebrew week would revolve around a work/rest cycle. Every seventh day would be dedicated to rest, no work would be done. I know maybe in our time and culture we look at that and say that’s a little skimpy-I mean, shouldn’t we have a five-day workweek, or four-day workweek? Think about it from the time period, however. The ancient peoples were agrarian in nature-completely dependent upon either raising crops or raising a herd. Life was hard. Living hand to mouth you didn’t really get a day off from survival. The idea of a sabbath, then, was a revolutionary principle in living by faith. The very God that designed us, also designed us to take time out to recharge spiritually and physically.

In our world of impending status alerts, updates, text messages, and the like, be sure to take time for rest. Take a day off. Use your vacation. Plan for it!

Leading a Life Group Tip: Building Community

In his work on small group ministry, Jeffrey Arnold points out two essential elements to building community: commitment and communication.

There are two essential elements to community building. The first is that people make a commitment to be in relationship together, almost like a husband and wife do when they are married (“for better or worse”). Knowing that a commitment of love has been made enables the various people in a group to experience the freedom of testing, growing, disagreeing and challenging within a safe framework.

The other element in a healthy community is communication. By this is meant a two-way interactive sharing of ideas so that mutual growth occurs. Talking does not necessarily produce growth–only communication does. And healthy communication brings together man (“comm” means “with, together”) into one (“uni” means “one”) by breaking down the barriers between people.

Jeffrey Arnold, The Big Book on Small Groups

How is your life group doing? Have you talked about commitment? More than just signing your name on a sheet or simply showing up if you are leading a life group you are making a commitment. You should spell out to your group what you as a leader are committing. You might commit to be prepared, to lead, to facilitate or teach, to pray for each member of your group, to hold into confidence what may be shared. It is always helpful to share these up front, so that participants may know what to expect (and not expect!). You should also be up-front about the commitments participants will make-to attend, to participate, and to hold in confidence what may be shared, to For some good examples of life group covenants see this resource.

How is communication going in your group? As a life group leader are you clear in your communication? Are you checking in on the members of your group between scheduled meeting times? Are you clearly communicating schedules or any schedule changes? During your group time are you doing all of the talking? Likewise, is there anyone who is monopolizing or hijacking discussion? Is the discussing veering toward negativity or criticism? While there is a place for healthy discussion, life groups are not the place to pick apart the pastor’s sermon or the worship leader’s set list!

Let’s work on building community by setting forth a clear commitment and fostering healthy communication within our life groups this semester and see where God takes us!

Conference Notes: Four Keys To Effectively Listen

At Restoration Church’s marriage conference this past weekend we were led through a session on effective listening. While these are great application points for a healthy marriage, the principles work for any relationship.

1.Remember You Are On The Same Team – this was shared as not just an internal reminder but something that was expressed to be verbalized. Especially when faced with a situation where you are communicating in conflict try looking at your spouse and say, “We are on the same team!” There are so many forces at work that want to divide and conquer the marriage relationship, we must remind ourselves and our spouses that we are on the same team, no matter what. Within an hour after leaving the conference, Amy and I found ourselves in conflict and tested on this principle. One of the ways we worked through the conflict was taking a step back and saying “We are on the same team!”

2.Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood – oftentimes we are so busy formulating our response, we fail to adequately understand what our spouse is trying to communicate. When we don’t give time and space to understand each other we can often jump to conclusions that aren’t based in reality. I know I can come up with all kinds of solutions to Amy’s problems when I think I know what they are-except many times I try to fix things that aren’t broken, or miss what the problem really is about.

3.Ask Clarifying Questions – asking good questions helps slow things down and also helps us to really understand the need. On getting through this point I need to admit a personal growth area. I can sometimes (ok, so a lot of the time!) get defensive when Amy asks clarifying questions. For whatever reason inside of me, I see the questions as not just a quest for understanding, but as a kind of attack. As a growth point for me, I have to be reminded of #1 (we are on the same team!), and use clarifying questions to bring us together.

4.Come up with a win-win – If you are truly a team there is a way you can work together to find a best path forward together. We live in a fallen world, so sometimes it may not be that at the end of a “discussion” everyone is shooting off confetti cannons in celebration. We should be able to follow Scriptures teaching, not letting the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26) and getting to an acceptable resolution.

Again, I felt this session was immensely helpful. Amy and I literally put this into practice upon getting home, and guess what-it worked!

Questions for Discussion:

How can you put these listening skills to good use in your relationship?

How might these skills help you in other situations at work, school, etc.?