Month: July 2019

Stay Engaged

It’s easy to get in a set schedule or routine. As the saying goes, we are often “creatures of habit.” When we do we can lose sight of our purpose and why we are here. My personal life goal and mission is plain and simple to point people to Jesus. At Restoration Church the past few weeks we have been in a message series called “What Happy Couples Know.” Each week I have posted just a quick facebook picture and post as our lead pastor Joey and his wife Nicole have been teaching together.

As you can see from my posts, I’m not the greatest photographer in the world (shot on an iPhone 7 Plus from the third row) and in my second post I didn’t even try to come up with some witty comment explaining why Pastor Joey was wearing his favorite cat apron. Here’s the cool part. One of my coworkers this week who hadn’t commented, liked, shared, or in any overt way interacted with the post asked point blank, “I saw your posts from church – what do the boxes mean with ‘hopes, dreams, and desires?'” In that moment I realized, here is a wide open door to have a spiritual conversation. It allowed me to then briefly share with my friend some biblical truth on marriage while on the clock in marketplace. It was a reminder to myself to stay engaged, to keep pointing people to Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit do His work. You never know what might happen.

5 Things Happy Couples Never Do When Facing Conflict

This morning at Restoration Church the message focused on conflict in marriage. If you have been married for more than five minutes you are going to face conflict. It is a fact of life. While every couple has to find their own way in this area and overcome the natural tendency to fight it out, ignore it, or run from it, there are some commond denominators happy couples seek to never resort to when facing conflict. I share these bullet points with you along with some of my own thoughts.

1. Never call names – this should be self explanatory, but when disagreements come, it is easy to shift into name calling. This does nothing to help the situation and only escalates and divides us into separate teams.

2. Never raise your voice – unless your spouse has an actual hearing problem, somehow it becomes easy to think if we get louder he or she will see things our way. In fact the opposite is most likely the case. Raising our voice while having a marital “discussion” only escalates the conflict and pushes our spouse further away. I’ll be honest, of the five “nevers,” this is the one I struggle with the most.

3. Never get historical – Happy couples know don’t keep score and keep the past in the past. If there is an issue from the past that has been discussed and dealt with then it is time to move on and not bring it up.

4. Never say “Never” or “Always” – now this was beaten into my head during my brief academic career, but unless you have complete 100% omniscience that your spouse categorically “never” or “always” does/says/thinks something it’s smart to stay away from generalizations. Since I’m pretty sure no one on earth currently possesses that superpower it’s better to steer clear from “always” or “never.”

5. Never Threaten Divorce – this is a big one. For happy couples divorce is never an option. Even by saying divorce is an option you are making the breaking of a covenant before God something that you would even consider. This breaks down the bonds of trust and sows an insecurity that can become self-fulfilling. Instead of even mentioning divorce, happy couples instead focus on reminding each other they are on the same team.

Which “nevers” have you been guilty of? Which of these do you want to banish from your conflict toolkit?

Love Your Wife

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

I love my dog. I love my children. I love my car. I love my ipad. I love my ________ fill-in-the-blank. We use the word “love” so often to describe our feelings for so many things. What does it mean to say that we love our spouse? Does it mean that we love when we are loved back? Does it mean that we love when we get something in return? When the Bible teaches me as a husband to love my wife, it defines that love–“as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That means my love for my wife should overflow with grace. That means my love for my wife should be completely self-sacrificial. That means my love for my wife should mean that I would give everything for her, even my own life. That kind of love is deep. That kind of love is strong. That kind of love does not waiver based on the weather or how I feel on a particular day. That’s a high bar-but one in which we must strive every day.

me and my love

Sunday Night Stress

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I recently came across a study that concluded that 76% of Americans deal with an increased amount of anxiety on Sunday night concerning the impending arrival of Monday and the beginning of the workweek. While it may be called Sunday Night Stress, Sunday Night Blues, or even the Sunday Scaries, whatever it’s called it seems to be having an effect. Personally, I do fine Sunday night, it is at whatever point that I wake up on Monday morning do I feel the stress of “all the things” that need to be done to begin the week. This feeling abates little by little as I accomplish those things and usually by mid-afternoon I can take a deep breath and begin to feel normal again.

Practically speaking what can be done to mitigate or eliminate Sunday Night Stress altogether? Proper planning throughout the week may help. If you aren’t procrastinating or putting things off through the week it will definitely reduce the amount of stress on Monday morning. I’ve found that if I do certain tasks at the end of each work, day in preparation, it makes the next morning go much more smoothly. Having a proper perspective may also help. There may seasons in your work where you know they are going to be busier or more stressful by their nature. Learning the cycles of your business will help you prepare your mindset to know “it won’t be like this forever, just for now.” Also, it may be that there are stressful aspects to your job that are unavoidable. Having a proper perspective means that you learn to accept those things that you simply cannot change. Finally, might I suggest persistent prayer. There is a verse in the Bible which encourages us to “not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Phil. 4:6 ESV). There is a calm assurance that awaits those who can offload the stress and anxiety to One who is a little more capable of carrying it.

What Happy Couples Know – Part 1

This week at Restoration Church we are starting a four-week message series on marriage called “What Happy Couples Know.”

Our view of marriage is formed by many factors: our culture, our own family background, our upbringing, and our faith. For better or for worse every married couple has certain hopes and dreams for their life together. I have been blessed with an amazing life partner in Amy who shows me grace daily while I lead and at the same time keeps our family well organized and headed in the right direction. Did I mentioned she keeps us alive? Yes, she keeps us clothed, fed, and as germ free as possible!

One passage of Scripture we looked at this week was Ephesians 5:1-2. In this passage we are called to be imitators of God. Now while we can’t be imitators of God when it comes to His unlimited power over the universe or his limitless knowledge over all things, we can pattern our way of life after Him. If you had to sum up God in one word it would be the word “love.” The prophet Jeremiah wrote and proclaimed that “the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end” (Lamentations 3:22, ESV). God’s love is steadfast, it is sure, it never gives up, and it never gives out. This is the type of love we should exhibit towards our spouse. In this passage from Ephesians it also tells us to “walk” in love – meaning our very own way of life begins and ends with love.

If you are married, how might your relationship be different if you started each day with the thought, how can I better love and serve my spouse today?