Author: jasonfletcher

Stay Engaged

It’s easy to get in a set schedule or routine. As the saying goes, we are often “creatures of habit.” When we do we can lose sight of our purpose and why we are here. My personal life goal and mission is plain and simple to point people to Jesus. At Restoration Church the past few weeks we have been in a message series called “What Happy Couples Know.” Each week I have posted just a quick facebook picture and post as our lead pastor Joey and his wife Nicole have been teaching together.

As you can see from my posts, I’m not the greatest photographer in the world (shot on an iPhone 7 Plus from the third row) and in my second post I didn’t even try to come up with some witty comment explaining why Pastor Joey was wearing his favorite cat apron. Here’s the cool part. One of my coworkers this week who hadn’t commented, liked, shared, or in any overt way interacted with the post asked point blank, “I saw your posts from church – what do the boxes mean with ‘hopes, dreams, and desires?'” In that moment I realized, here is a wide open door to have a spiritual conversation. It allowed me to then briefly share with my friend some biblical truth on marriage while on the clock in marketplace. It was a reminder to myself to stay engaged, to keep pointing people to Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit do His work. You never know what might happen.

5 Things Happy Couples Never Do When Facing Conflict

This morning at Restoration Church the message focused on conflict in marriage. If you have been married for more than five minutes you are going to face conflict. It is a fact of life. While every couple has to find their own way in this area and overcome the natural tendency to fight it out, ignore it, or run from it, there are some commond denominators happy couples seek to never resort to when facing conflict. I share these bullet points with you along with some of my own thoughts.

1. Never call names – this should be self explanatory, but when disagreements come, it is easy to shift into name calling. This does nothing to help the situation and only escalates and divides us into separate teams.

2. Never raise your voice – unless your spouse has an actual hearing problem, somehow it becomes easy to think if we get louder he or she will see things our way. In fact the opposite is most likely the case. Raising our voice while having a marital “discussion” only escalates the conflict and pushes our spouse further away. I’ll be honest, of the five “nevers,” this is the one I struggle with the most.

3. Never get historical – Happy couples know don’t keep score and keep the past in the past. If there is an issue from the past that has been discussed and dealt with then it is time to move on and not bring it up.

4. Never say “Never” or “Always” – now this was beaten into my head during my brief academic career, but unless you have complete 100% omniscience that your spouse categorically “never” or “always” does/says/thinks something it’s smart to stay away from generalizations. Since I’m pretty sure no one on earth currently possesses that superpower it’s better to steer clear from “always” or “never.”

5. Never Threaten Divorce – this is a big one. For happy couples divorce is never an option. Even by saying divorce is an option you are making the breaking of a covenant before God something that you would even consider. This breaks down the bonds of trust and sows an insecurity that can become self-fulfilling. Instead of even mentioning divorce, happy couples instead focus on reminding each other they are on the same team.

Which “nevers” have you been guilty of? Which of these do you want to banish from your conflict toolkit?

Love Your Wife

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“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)

I love my dog. I love my children. I love my car. I love my ipad. I love my ________ fill-in-the-blank. We use the word “love” so often to describe our feelings for so many things. What does it mean to say that we love our spouse? Does it mean that we love when we are loved back? Does it mean that we love when we get something in return? When the Bible teaches me as a husband to love my wife, it defines that love–“as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That means my love for my wife should overflow with grace. That means my love for my wife should be completely self-sacrificial. That means my love for my wife should mean that I would give everything for her, even my own life. That kind of love is deep. That kind of love is strong. That kind of love does not waiver based on the weather or how I feel on a particular day. That’s a high bar-but one in which we must strive every day.

me and my love

Sunday Night Stress

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I recently came across a study that concluded that 76% of Americans deal with an increased amount of anxiety on Sunday night concerning the impending arrival of Monday and the beginning of the workweek. While it may be called Sunday Night Stress, Sunday Night Blues, or even the Sunday Scaries, whatever it’s called it seems to be having an effect. Personally, I do fine Sunday night, it is at whatever point that I wake up on Monday morning do I feel the stress of “all the things” that need to be done to begin the week. This feeling abates little by little as I accomplish those things and usually by mid-afternoon I can take a deep breath and begin to feel normal again.

Practically speaking what can be done to mitigate or eliminate Sunday Night Stress altogether? Proper planning throughout the week may help. If you aren’t procrastinating or putting things off through the week it will definitely reduce the amount of stress on Monday morning. I’ve found that if I do certain tasks at the end of each work, day in preparation, it makes the next morning go much more smoothly. Having a proper perspective may also help. There may seasons in your work where you know they are going to be busier or more stressful by their nature. Learning the cycles of your business will help you prepare your mindset to know “it won’t be like this forever, just for now.” Also, it may be that there are stressful aspects to your job that are unavoidable. Having a proper perspective means that you learn to accept those things that you simply cannot change. Finally, might I suggest persistent prayer. There is a verse in the Bible which encourages us to “not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Phil. 4:6 ESV). There is a calm assurance that awaits those who can offload the stress and anxiety to One who is a little more capable of carrying it.

What Happy Couples Know – Part 1

This week at Restoration Church we are starting a four-week message series on marriage called “What Happy Couples Know.”

Our view of marriage is formed by many factors: our culture, our own family background, our upbringing, and our faith. For better or for worse every married couple has certain hopes and dreams for their life together. I have been blessed with an amazing life partner in Amy who shows me grace daily while I lead and at the same time keeps our family well organized and headed in the right direction. Did I mentioned she keeps us alive? Yes, she keeps us clothed, fed, and as germ free as possible!

One passage of Scripture we looked at this week was Ephesians 5:1-2. In this passage we are called to be imitators of God. Now while we can’t be imitators of God when it comes to His unlimited power over the universe or his limitless knowledge over all things, we can pattern our way of life after Him. If you had to sum up God in one word it would be the word “love.” The prophet Jeremiah wrote and proclaimed that “the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end” (Lamentations 3:22, ESV). God’s love is steadfast, it is sure, it never gives up, and it never gives out. This is the type of love we should exhibit towards our spouse. In this passage from Ephesians it also tells us to “walk” in love – meaning our very own way of life begins and ends with love.

If you are married, how might your relationship be different if you started each day with the thought, how can I better love and serve my spouse today?

Sometimes You Have to Laugh

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Like just the other night as I was rolling around on the floor with our 1 year old lab puppy my glasses found themselves on the floor and just as I went to pick them up I heard a crunching sound. What I found in all my years of glassendom was a pile of frame and lenses the like of which I had never seen. What appeared before me was what used to be a perfectly fine pair of glasses. My exact next thought became the realization that pile represented my primary and backup pair, yes, my only pair of glasses. Instead of getting angry or stressed out about how I was going to go about rectifying the situation, all I could do was laugh. I mean there was no amount of tape or super glue that was going to fix this one! As I started laughing a passage of Scripture then came to my mind, “For we walk by faith and not by sight” (2 Cor. 5:7). For the next few days I would literally get to live this one out! I’m thankful our God is a God of laughter and joy because it truly is medicine for my soul.

Blue Mind

Holden Beach, NC
Holden Beach, NC

“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” Psalm 19:1 (ESV)

Though I try to stay up with current events, sometimes I’m a little behind the times. Recently, I became aware of a study done by a Marine biologist called Blue Mind. In this book, the author, Wallace J. Nichols, looks at all the positive aspects of being “in, near, on, or under water.” I’ve personally felt this way as there is just something calming and soothing about being near the water. Looking out over the ocean I’m often struck by the majesty and power of God who created our world. The ocean wind and the sound of the crashing waves seem to drown out the noise of life and quiet the seemingly endless distractions of modern life. The waves crash and crash moving in and out with the tide erasing the footprints of the past creating a new clean slate with each pass.

From time to time I find it necessary to retreat to coast to refocus my heart, mind, and soul. My hope is that you can find the time or place wherever it might be for you, to reconnect with God when the pressure of life seems to overwhelm or distract you from your true purpose in life.

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Categorized as Devotional

Summer: The Season of Transitions

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“From the fig tree learn its lesson: as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts out its leaves, you know that summer is near.” Matthew 24:32 (ESV)

In this passage Jesus pointed out to his disciples how one might tell the coming of summer by watching the transition of the fig tree. When the leaves appear, you know summer is near. Even if you do not know the time or the day its arrival should not come as a surprise.

Summer is a season of transitions. The coolness of Spring is melted away in the summer’s heat. The gentleness of a spring rain gives way to summer’s thunderstorm. As we say in the South, thank the Lord for air conditioning and sweet tea. The summer is a welcome season of transition for students. After a challenging academic year summer break is a welcome respite. Even if you aren’t a student or have students in your household, you might at least notice fewer of those yellow school buses and carpool traffic on the morning commute.

While for some summer is welcomed with rejoicing and others are eagerly awaiting the cooler dry air of the fall, the lesson becomes what are we doing in the season we are given?

What transitions are awaiting you this year? For what transitions are you preparing?

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Categorized as Devotional

Book Review – From Weakness To Strength: Eight Vulnerabilities That Will Bring Out the Best in Your Leadership by Scott Sauls

I came across this little gem by way of recommendation from Tim Challies’ blog. While written with the Christian ministry context in mind, the principles could apply to almost any area of leadership. Through this book Sauls breaks down the vulnerabilities of ambition, isolation, criticism, envy, insecurity, anticlimax, opposition, and suffering. Spend enough time in a position of leadership and you are going to face several, if not all of these issues at some point. Fortunately, the author addresses from his personal experience how he has walked through each area and gives some helpful instruction on how to recognize and overcome them. This is the book that I wish they had handed out in seminary, or at the very least about 10 years in.

*disclaimer: this is not a paid review, but if you click through the amazon affiliate link and purchase this book you will help support this site.