For the month of May Logos is doing a free download of the e-book version of Matt Chandler called The Mingling of Souls.
Overcoming a Critical Spirit
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! – Psalm 107:1 (ESV)
A negative or critical spirit is something that can quickly wrap itself around you. I’m reminded of my time as a kid playing in the woods and very early becoming aware of the offensive nature of toxicodendron radicans or as its more commonly known, poison ivy. It’s an innocuous looking plant, blending in with the foliage of the forest, but its oily coating can cause a little reaction. At first one may seek a little relief from scratching the itchy rash, but before long, depending upon the spread and exposure, you might be itching, scratching, and burning all over your body. The old camp song calls for calamine lotion, which only helps if you don’t scratch it off!
I’ve found a critical spirit can infect us in the same way as poison ivy. It actually feels good at first to scratch the itch, so to speak, but before long, if we aren’t careful, it can really take us over and cause a lot of pain in the process. The best cure I’ve found in those moments and the best way to counteract it, is to heed the Psalmists advice, to “give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!” Even in the direst of situations we can find ways to be thankful, to remind ourselves that God is ultimately good, and that though the whole world may be against us, His love, His steadfast love endures forever.
If you are stuck in a critical mindset or with a critical spirit, let’s break the chain today!
Pride
It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels. -Augustine of Hippo
This week at Restoration we were challenged to slay the “pink elephant” of pride. An inward sin of selfishness, pride hides and lurks in our lives and rears its ugly head too often to our detriment. In its wake it leaves only misery, pain, and brokenness. While we all may struggle with pride to varying degrees, we don’t have to stay there. The cure for pride is humility, cultivating the attitude and actions of the Master servant, Jesus.
“5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Php 2:5–8.
The Importance of Time Planning
About ten years ago I was living the dream: dream job, dream wife, 2 dream kids, and a dream dog. In spite of living the dream, I was still functioning off the same financial plan I had in my twenties, which meant if there was money in the account it was spent and then some. I grew frustrated because I knew there had to be a better way until I was introduced to Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. Now I am not a paid consultant, I don’t get any royalties, but learning those simple principles and putting them into practice in my life turned things around in the right direction. You have to go through the whole course but a few principles stood out. First, most Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck, and it doesn’t matter the size of the paycheck. My take was and has been that simply making more money somehow was not going to solve my financial situation. The second principle he teaches is that a budget is simply a plan to tell your money where to go instead of your money telling you where to go.
Fast-forward ten years later. I’m working in a very demanding high responsibility job, with my dream wife, and dream kids, we’ve buried the dream dog and are raising the dream puppy. My struggle lately has not been financial it has been about time. The nature of my work now has become physically demanding and it is challenging to get it all done. I find myself struggling because I don’t “have enough time.” Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard the response to that challenge… “but that’s not true because everyone has the same amount of time in a day.” Well that’s true, but it sure seems sometimes as if my tasks, meetings, emails, phone calls, etc., can quickly mount up and take over. Enter Carey Nieuwhof. I’ve been following his leadership blog and podcast for about a year now. The “one thing” I picked up recently from Carey is when he shared the principle of planning our time in advance. I immediately made the connection back to having a financial budget, but now having to develop a time budget. It means that we know what we want to accomplish and spend time on in a given week, though very often we fail to take care of our priorities because we get interrupted or side tracked. I’m still seeing how this works out in my current work/life context, but when we take the discipline to plan ahead it gives us an opportunity to say yes to the things that are most important and no to those things that seek to get us off track.
What are your most important tasks, dreams, or goals? They could be spiritual, family, work, educational goal. How are you planning your time this week to make those things a reality?
True Safety and Security
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” – Psalm 121:1-2
The Psalmist looks out to the hill country. He sees the safety and security of the mountains. In Israel’s history whenever they would be invaded by a hostile nation the people would flee to the hills. It was a place of refuge, of strength, and of security. The temptation here is to put our faith and trust in these places or things. While good for us he rightly points out our true safety and security is not in the hills, but in the One who created them, the “LORD, who made heaven and earth.” So the next time you are tempted to put your faith in your home, your family, your possessions, your job, your position, your abilities-whatever it is-give thanks to God who has provided those things in your life and place your faith and trust in Him.
The Next Step in Leadership
“Moses my servant is dead. Now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land that I am giving to them, to the people of Israel. – Joshua 1:2
Joshua had pretty much spent his entire life in service to Moses. He had been there from the very beginning of the Exodus from Egypt, through spying out the Promised Land, and for forty years in the wilderness. He had seen miracles, he had seen plagues, he had seen victories, he had seen defeat. Moses wasn’t a democratically elected leader of the Israelites, he was a prophet ordained by God to lead His people.
In light of all of this, Joshua 1:2 recounts God’s first words to Joshua the new leader. “Moses my servant is dead.” Words which are heavy and final. Moses is gone and He’s not coming back. It would be tempting to doubt the future of the nation. For the United States it would have been as if President George Washington had died in office. Would the country continue as we have known it? Joshua, no doubt, must have wrestled with the future and his ability to lead. The good news is that God had plans for Joshua. God doesn’t stop calling and leading His people. He gives Joshua the charge to pick up the mantle and lead the people to the Promised Land.
God is not done raising up new leaders to carry out his mission. For many in my generation we looked to Dr. Billy Graham as a leader among born again Christians. This past year we saw this man who was a spiritual giant transition to glory. God will raise up another to give leadership. Many churches go through cycles of leadership as pastors leave or retire, but God is still at work and He will continue to call and equip those to lead.
Questions for thought:
What is God calling you to do with your life as part of His mission?
How are helping or hindering raising up the next generation of leaders in your home, in your community, in your church?
The Importance of Rest
As you may have noticed I’ve taken a few days off from posting to the blog. Many people take advantage of their income tax refund during this time of year to buy some much needed furniture for their home. With the uncertainties concerning the federal government (who went through a shutdown at the beginning part of the year), the timing of “tax season” varies, but once it starts it is fast and furious. It begins abruptly and just like that after a few weeks it is over. This year was a little more challenging as my team was a little short handed requiring me to work 20 days with 1 day off. Going that long without a break is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually challenging. I don’t recommend it. In fact rest is an important life principle that cannot be overlooked.
The Bible teaches the principle of the Sabbath (Hebrew for “rest”). In fact, the very beginning pages of the Bible, Genesis chapter 1 describe how God created the world in six days, and on the seventh day He “rested.” Later, the entire Hebrew week would revolve around a work/rest cycle. Every seventh day would be dedicated to rest, no work would be done. I know maybe in our time and culture we look at that and say that’s a little skimpy-I mean, shouldn’t we have a five-day workweek, or four-day workweek? Think about it from the time period, however. The ancient peoples were agrarian in nature-completely dependent upon either raising crops or raising a herd. Life was hard. Living hand to mouth you didn’t really get a day off from survival. The idea of a sabbath, then, was a revolutionary principle in living by faith. The very God that designed us, also designed us to take time out to recharge spiritually and physically.
In our world of impending status alerts, updates, text messages, and the like, be sure to take time for rest. Take a day off. Use your vacation. Plan for it!
Leading a Life Group Tip: Building Community
In his work on small group ministry, Jeffrey Arnold points out two essential elements to building community: commitment and communication.
There are two essential elements to community building. The first is that people make a commitment to be in relationship together, almost like a husband and wife do when they are married (“for better or worse”). Knowing that a commitment of love has been made enables the various people in a group to experience the freedom of testing, growing, disagreeing and challenging within a safe framework.
The other element in a healthy community is communication. By this is meant a two-way interactive sharing of ideas so that mutual growth occurs. Talking does not necessarily produce growth–only communication does. And healthy communication brings together man (“comm” means “with, together”) into one (“uni” means “one”) by breaking down the barriers between people.
Jeffrey Arnold, The Big Book on Small Groups
How is your life group doing? Have you talked about commitment? More than just signing your name on a sheet or simply showing up if you are leading a life group you are making a commitment. You should spell out to your group what you as a leader are committing. You might commit to be prepared, to lead, to facilitate or teach, to pray for each member of your group, to hold into confidence what may be shared. It is always helpful to share these up front, so that participants may know what to expect (and not expect!). You should also be up-front about the commitments participants will make-to attend, to participate, and to hold in confidence what may be shared, to For some good examples of life group covenants see this resource.
How is communication going in your group? As a life group leader are you clear in your communication? Are you checking in on the members of your group between scheduled meeting times? Are you clearly communicating schedules or any schedule changes? During your group time are you doing all of the talking? Likewise, is there anyone who is monopolizing or hijacking discussion? Is the discussing veering toward negativity or criticism? While there is a place for healthy discussion, life groups are not the place to pick apart the pastor’s sermon or the worship leader’s set list!
Let’s work on building community by setting forth a clear commitment and fostering healthy communication within our life groups this semester and see where God takes us!
Conference Notes: Four Keys To Effectively Listen
At Restoration Church’s marriage conference this past weekend we were led through a session on effective listening. While these are great application points for a healthy marriage, the principles work for any relationship.
1.Remember You Are On The Same Team – this was shared as not just an internal reminder but something that was expressed to be verbalized. Especially when faced with a situation where you are communicating in conflict try looking at your spouse and say, “We are on the same team!” There are so many forces at work that want to divide and conquer the marriage relationship, we must remind ourselves and our spouses that we are on the same team, no matter what. Within an hour after leaving the conference, Amy and I found ourselves in conflict and tested on this principle. One of the ways we worked through the conflict was taking a step back and saying “We are on the same team!”
2.Seek First to Understand and Then Be Understood – oftentimes we are so busy formulating our response, we fail to adequately understand what our spouse is trying to communicate. When we don’t give time and space to understand each other we can often jump to conclusions that aren’t based in reality. I know I can come up with all kinds of solutions to Amy’s problems when I think I know what they are-except many times I try to fix things that aren’t broken, or miss what the problem really is about.
3.Ask Clarifying Questions – asking good questions helps slow things down and also helps us to really understand the need. On getting through this point I need to admit a personal growth area. I can sometimes (ok, so a lot of the time!) get defensive when Amy asks clarifying questions. For whatever reason inside of me, I see the questions as not just a quest for understanding, but as a kind of attack. As a growth point for me, I have to be reminded of #1 (we are on the same team!), and use clarifying questions to bring us together.
4.Come up with a win-win – If you are truly a team there is a way you can work together to find a best path forward together. We live in a fallen world, so sometimes it may not be that at the end of a “discussion” everyone is shooting off confetti cannons in celebration. We should be able to follow Scriptures teaching, not letting the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26) and getting to an acceptable resolution.
Again, I felt this session was immensely helpful. Amy and I literally put this into practice upon getting home, and guess what-it worked!
Questions for Discussion:
How can you put these listening skills to good use in your relationship?
How might these skills help you in other situations at work, school, etc.?
Conference Notes: Marriage Conflict Mistakes To Avoid
This past weekend Amy and I participated in a marriage conference with Restoration Church. The morning session was led by Dr. Allen and Tina Holmes from Daystar Church in Greensboro, NC. In that session Dr. Holmes shared ten marriage conflict mistakes to avoid:
1. Avoiding Conflict Altogether – Ken Sande would call this “peace-faking.” This doesn’t resolve the underlying reason for the conflict, it merely postpones it.
2. Being Defensive – Defensiveness is a sign there is not enough grace. Personally, I want to try to grow more in this area. I find myself tending to quickly run to a defensive posture even when it is not warranted.
3. Overgeneralizing – using phrases like “you always” and “you never.” I have to give credit to all many of my professors over the years who drilled all most of this language out of my vocabulary!
4. Always Being Right – this is a tough one when you are always right, right?
5. Poor Listening (usually caused by in formulating the rebuttal)
6. Mind Reading – I may think I know what my spouse is thinking but what she is thinking may not be what I think she is thinking. I can then get into conflict with something that is completely imaginary and all in my mind.
7. Playing the Blame Game – “But God, the woman you gave me gave me this fruit-its her fault and really your fault”
8. Trying to Win the Argument
9. Character Attacks – This is like throwing an emotional grenade into the conflict. All it does it cause damage and does nothing toward resolving the conflict or working toward a resolution.
10. Stonewalling – using silence as a passive aggressive way of attacking the issue. This is a trap I fall into-often I will just shut down.
Question for discussion: Which conflict mistakes do you tend to make? What are you going to do to correct those mistakes?
This is part three. You can read part one here and part two here.